Win Back Ex Info

I Was lying in bed this morning, unable to sleep due to the severe winds and all the thoughts running through my mind.

I’m getting away from the winning back your ex info., for now, as I want to share a bit of my own personal life and situation. I no longer am concerned with winning anyone back, as I’ve discovered, through Emotional Freedom Techniques or  EFT for short, that there is only one person I must win back; and that is myself.

I had never understood exactly what was meant by sayings such as ” it is what it is” and “it’s all about you” and ” you can’t change anyone, you can only change yourself”…etc…etc.  these sayings made some sense, but I never really gave them much thought…… until now.

As I laid awake in bed, this morning, I began wondering what had happened to us, my wife and myself. I recalled how happy we were together for the first 2 years and my eyes began to swell up, as they are now as I share this.

Before I get into anything here, I want to tell you that my current wife is a wonderful and very unique lady.  She is well educated in her field, thoughtful, considerate, ultra-honest ( to a fault ) and asks me for nothing, other than to spend time with her. She is NOT a material girl or a “girly girl” as she wears no makeup ( one of the things that attracted me to her ), is unintentionally, naturally and unknowingly shyly-sexy.

Her faults are much fewer than mine  and  her biggest fault has been and continues to be living in the past ( holding onto negative memories) and not taking the required action to fix the things that she always  complains about. If you were to ask her why, she’d tell you because she’s not a confrontational person. She will pick and choose her battles carefully.

That being said, she has, recently, begun speaking up when people try to take advantage or disrespect her in some way. I think I’ve finally gotten through to her that we are in our 50’s and not little kids anymore.

For me, this meant  that not only can I NOT depend on my older brother   (as I did when in school ) or anyone else to come to my aid anymore. I’ve grown alot in these last 5 years or so and take this anyway you prefer to, but I don’t take anybody’s cr&p anymore.

Funny, but when I turned 50, I felt that I should be respected more. I’ve actually become more “brazen” now than I ever was before, but my fist and feet are slower now,  so I better not get too” brazen’-:).

See, I, too, was also fearful of confrontations for much of my life. I never ran away, but I did know when and where to fight if I had to.  I must admit that I was always afraid of getting punched in the nose! man, that hurts! LOL!

Okay, I got off subject for a moment or two. Now back to my ‘realizations”.

I then reflected back on my second marriage and realized the same pattern happening in my 3rd marriage as did happen in my 2nd marriage.

Only this time, things are much worse than in my second one, where my then wife would always be asking me if she looked to fat in this or if her butt looked to big in these pants…etc..etc.

I always liked the way she looked but she was never satisfied or she needed more assurance constantly. Well, eventually I got tired of telling her how good she looked and how much I liked the way she looked in certain articles of clothing. She  finally won my mind over to her way of thinking  of how she looked and I stopped with the assurances and compliments.
Eventually the romance,  affection,  I love you’s, and hugging & kissing,  stopped also. I guess I figured and thought that  since she didn’t think much of herself, and let me know it on a daily basis, I eventually felt and thought the same way about her. I began to see her through her eyes instead of my own.

I bring this up, because this is exactly whats  happening in my current  and third marriage  and it looks as if  we are heading towards  Splitsville, which hurts just thinking about it.

I have been hearing her tell me, for the last year or two, how horrible  she thinks she looks due to her weight loss from a fear of  choking which has lead to her having a very hard time swallowing any food or drink.

She always covers herself  up because she’s embarrassed of how thin she is. She  won’t even lie down with me because she don’t want me feeling her “boney’ shoulders, arms, waist…etc.  I’m at the point, now, where I just tune her out when she starts her self-hate story.
She has  such a bad self-image and she has told me so often, that she’s finally getting me to think  and see her the same way she sees herself.
I have now learned that just as much as confidence is sexy, ( which I had thought of being vain ) a low self-image is just as UNattractive.

Put yourself in your man’s  shoes for a minute.  If your woman had a bad self-image and was constantly saying how horrible she thought she looked, for whatever reason,  and you’re telling her multiple times, everyday, “honey you look fine, you just need to get some excersize or eat more  if you’re concerned about ( so & so ).

Now she keeps on going this route day after day WITHOUT DOING  ANYTHING to change her situation and you start thinking to yourself, ‘damn, what do I have to tell her or do for her to get her to stop talking about herself that way?”

Eventually and especially as you see she has done nothing for herself to better her situation, you  give in to her way of thinking towards herself
and start agreeing with her, silently ( very important-:) and the attraction begins to wear off until…..

The Next Time….